Love-LY

A dear friend started an emotional healing program recently. Because of the respect I have for her I decided to pay the required amount because I knew and know that I have a lot of emotional healing to do.

As with all healing, it usually hurts. And although I wasn't looking forward to the hurting, I was looking forward to the healing. I would never attempt to go through something like this without asking Father to help me through it because I knew He would know the best course for me. And He did in ways that I never expected.

The first area of healing I dealt with was that of giving love and being loved in return, even if the one I love leaves me. This is where my emotional healing of abandonment would come to the surface.

My in laws live in an area where there are a lot of farmers and open spaces. This invites a lot of wild animals such as foxes, prairie dogs, skunks, and cats. And once there was even a bear that made its way to the area. I want to focus on the wild cats. My in laws have wild cats all the time at their house because they feed them. The somewhat tame female cats that hang around often get pregnant by the more wild male cats that come around during the night.

The last litter of cats produces about eight kittens. One was put down early in his short life because he had some eye issue that caused him to become sickly. The other I found dead in the front yard. The last six managed to survive, even after their mother disappeared. It is the one of those six that I want to focus on.

Growing up I hung out with the kids that weren't as popular. I guess I felt more comfortable there. Perhaps that is why I was drawn to this little kitten. He was the runt compared to the others. He was a yellowish  color so I called him "LY" for Little Yellow. I was also drawn to him because he was the only one that had the courage to come up to me or any human. All the others were very skittish and would run off if you even looked their direction. I fed LY human foods in hopes to fatten him up and help him grow. He loved affection! I know most cats do, but he seemed to love it even more so I gave it to him whenever I had the chance. Over a few weeks I had grown to love LY and looked forward to seeing him.

                   This is Lenna with LY. Lenna learned that she can hold a cat, even if she doesn't know how to hold it.

Over time he began to get that cat eye sickness that most cats get. It got so bad that it made its way into his lungs and he would sneeze yellow and green mucus. He was very contagious and all of the other cats left him alone. I still loved him though.

In times past I had given our dog, Woody a blessing for a sickness and when he was hit by a car. I felt impressed to give LY a blessing so I did. I blessed him that he would heal and he able to continue to share his love he shared with me.

One day I saw my father in law outside with his pellet gun. I asked my wife what he was doing and she said he was gong to put LY down because he looked so bad and because he didn't want him dog to catch whatever LY had. I wasn't happy with that but I understood. I cried that night that I had lost a pet that I loved and loved me. And I thought the inspirations I had felt to give him a blessing was just me wishing for LY to be healed when in reality it wasn't.

The next morning I went out to go for a run and there was LY. Apparently my father in law couldn't find him. I was mad because I had mourned for him. This meant I would have to mourn all over for him and I didn't want to go through that again. I also found myself being distant from him so I didn't get attached to him again. That didn't last long.

LY still wasn't getting better, and in some ways he looked worse. A couple of days later I came home from work and walked to the front door to see LY laying on the porch with flies all around him. I stopped and stared at him to see if he was still alive. He was. He looked and smelled so bad that I didn't want him to suffer any more. I went in the house and cried as I prayed to asked Father for the courage and strength to end LY's suffering.

My plan was to dig a hole first, put LY in a plastic bag and with a big heavy rock smash him. I couldn't bring myself to shooting him because I didn't want to see blood and I didn't want to see him die. I dug the hole, gave love to LY one more time then put him in a plastic bag and put him in the hole. He didn't like being put in a bag so he wiggled and scratched  to get out. I lifted the 20 pound rock and slammed it into the hole. Just as I did LY came flying out unscathed and ran off. I saw where he had hid so I went and talked with him. I apologized for trying to kill him when it wasn't his time to go. And I apologized for losing his trust. Needless to say I was crying this whole time. And it was here that Father told me that He honored the blessing I gave to LY. To me this meant that LY would be healed and live to be an old cat.

I didn't see LY for a couple of days. I didn't know if I would ever see him again and I didn't blame him. One evening as the sun was going down, I was out back looking for LY. I told Father that I would really like to see LY. Just as I asked, there he was down the hill from me. I walked along the top of the hill above where I had seen him. After a few minutes I saw him again and he saw me. He slowly came walking up the hill with his tail straight up. I learned that his tail was saying he was friendly and content. He still trusted me.

I knelt down and loved him and he soaked it up like he had missed it. He still looked sick but I could tell he was healing. He had more energy and most the mucus and puss was gone. As I stayed knelt down he jumped onto my knee and onto my shoulders where he moved back and forth as I loved him. After a few minutes I walked to the house and LY followed close behind me. I gave him a bit more love then went into the house to put Lenna to bed. That would be the last time I would see LY.

The next morning I was outside ready to exercise. My wife was outside also and I told her that I had seen LY the night before and that he looked better and was healing. My wife shook her head and said that he dad had put LY down the last night. I didn't react, I just turned and walked away and cried. What added to the pain was it was me that brought LY to the house where he was seen and taken.

If took me a couple of weeks to take the time to talk with Father about why LY died when I felt in my heart that Father had told me that He honored my blessing to LY. What Father shared with me was, His time is not my time, and my time is not his time. Meaning, the blessing was honored even though it was only for those few days. LY had began to recover and heal, and he did continue to share his love with me.

The emotional healing that is taking place in me is, love is real, and it can hurt as much as it can bring joy. To give love and to receive love are the greatest gifts we have. Even if the giving of love isn't received, we are still blessed. It is natural to hold back in giving love when the love we gave wasn't received or as we say, given back. The challenge is to continue to love and not be afraid. Don't let the pain and fear of giving love prevent you from offering the greatest gift Father has given us to give to others. This is my biggest challenge. I know it is because of the love and atonement of Jesus that I am  healing. My heart is opened and I am loving and receiving love.

Thank you LY for your short time in this life to show and teach me about love! I will see you soon!

                   

                                                                  I love you my friend!

Building The Kingdom Of God With A Bicycle

A while back as we were cleaning the yard and throwing stuff in the trailer to be taken to the Dump, a bike was thrown in that had been weathered for many years. The tires were both flat, the chain was rusted, and it was very dirty. I would have thrown it away also.

This is the exact same bike but it was yellow.

My brothers and I were expert bicycle mechanic's growing up. We interchanged bike parts to make one bike if needed, and we modified bikes so they had a unique look to them. I also sanded many bikes down to the metal and painted them over to a color I liked. These were fond memories. So without hesitation I took the bike out of the trailer and looked forward to bringing it back to life again.

 I spent a few hours fixing the bike and making it rideable again. I was very pleased with the outcome. I intended to give it to my Nephew, but I was concerned he wouldn't appreciate it and that it would just become another toy. I held onto it for a couple of days and thought I would post it online and see if I could sell it and make a profit. Then a thought came to me: Why not donate it to Deseret Industries and whoever is suppose to have it will get it. I liked that thought so that is what I did.

On the way to D.I. I had another thought: By taking this bike to D.I. I am building up the Kingdom of God. How, you may ask is donating a bike building up the Kingdom of God? Anything that brings real joy and happiness to another is of God. I am counting on some young boy being thrilled when he sees the bike.  

And another thought I had while writing about this in my journal was: I could have sold the bike and made a very small profit. But instead  I gave it to Father and let Him have the "profit" or glory. I made this about Father and whomever would eventually get the bike.

This of course is what Jesus did for all of us in the Council in Heaven. Satan wanted all the glory in forcing us back to the presence of Father, by not giving us the chance to chose. He was only thinking of himself. But Jesus said he would give the glory to the Father and would come to earth and atone for each of us and give us the chance to choose if we would accept His plan. Jesus was thinking about all of us.

I am only comparing myself to the Savior in the giving of a bike. My goal and desire is to be like Him and to be with Him and the Father. I am grateful that I am able to choose the life I want to live and make mistakes along the way without the fear of losing my soul. I am also grateful that Jesus satisfied the demands of justice through the atonement so that mercy can be applied and I can still have a place in a Kingdom that has been prepared for me by the Father and Jesus.

Saved By A Mustache

One winters evening while living in Provo, Utah, I went out for a walk just to get out of my apartment and away from my three roommates. While I was out, I found myself defending an apartment of young females from young males throwing snowballs from across the street at the side of the young ladies apartment. During the snowball fight I was hit in the face, which put a quick end to the fight for me. I decided to continue my walk away from the snowball fight to recover from the shock of getting hit.

I lived and worked in the Colony Apartments for 18 months. It is located on 750 East between 300 and 500 North. My apartment was the last one to the South on the West side. I headed north on 750 East then turned left on 500 East, then left again on 700 North. I didn’t plan on staying out long so I made another left on 300 North. It was only a blocks walk altogether.

                                                            This is where I lived.

As I turned the corner I saw a Provo Police car parked in front of a house on the south side of 300 North, I was on the north side. As I walked closer, one of the Officers stopped me and asked me where I was coming from. I told him I was just out for a walk and that I lived a half block away, and pointed in the direction. He let me go and I didn’t think any more of it.

Instead of going right back to my apartment, I decided to walk past it and go up the block a bit further then turn around and go home. As I walked about half way up 750 East, I heard someone behind me. I turned to see the Police Officer that I had spoken with. He asked me to stop so I did. Then he asked me to step in the snow that was just off the sidewalk. I did. He then told me that my boot print was the same boot print that was outside a woman’s window that had called to report a Peeping-Tom. I had bought my boots from Walmart because I saw so many others wearing them and was told that they were cheap and warm.   

                                                                   This is the boot.

As the Officer and I spoke, his partner pulled up in their police car coming from the other direction. I was asked if it were me that had peeping in this woman’s window. I said no. I was then told that if it were me and I confessed I would be able to go home and sleep in my bed, if not I would be sleeping in a jail cell. I once again reassured the Officer that it wasn’t me. I guess I wasn’t convincing enough because I was asked to get in the back seat of their car. We then drove to the home of the woman that called the police.

The Officer that stopped me went into the woman’s home to tell her they had someone that met her description. While he was inside, the other Officer that stayed in the car continued to encourage me to confess so I could go home and sleep in my bed.

                             Not my actual bed at the time, but it looks very comfortable.

First of all, I am not dumb enough to fall for a tactic like that. I knew they were lying, and to confess would only be detrimental for me. Yes, I liked my warm bed, and I wanted to sleep in it that night, but not bad enough that I would confess to something that I didn’t do.

Also, as I sat in the car, I knew that Father knew I was innocent. I told him if he wanted me to go to jail I would. If there were something for me to learn by going to jail I would go. I was never worried or scared because I knew I wasn’t alone and that I was innocent.

After a few minutes the Officer that went inside came back out and opened the door and asked me to get out. He once again asked me if I did it. I said no. He then said he described me to the lady and I fit the description. He again said that if I confess I could go home. I said I didn’t do it. So he asked me to turn around with my hands behind my back. He put the cuffs on me and put me back on the car.

He went inside and had the lady turn her living room lights off. He then came out and pulled me out of the car. Both he and his partner turned their flashlight on and shined them in my face.

I could see the curtains part just a bit from inside. Obviously the lady was taking a peak to see me. After a few seconds I was put back in the car and the one Officer went back inside. A few minutes later he came out and opened the door for me to get out. As he unlocked the cuffs, he told me that the male suspect that had looked through her window had a mustache and that I was free to go.

I wish I had something witty to say to them about their way of manipulation and dishonesty, but my brain didn’t work that fast. There are many things I would like to say now.

I am grateful that I was never really into mustaches. And I am grateful that I don’t have enough facial hair to really grow a decent mustache. I do pretty good with a goatee though.

                                         Lynsie and I at a Heart/Cheap Trick/Journey concert

The lesson I learned from this, is when the Judgment does comes and we stand before Father and Jesus, we will know of our guilt without them having to say anything.

I hope when my time comes to stand before Father and Jesus I can feel just as innocent and at peace as I did then.

"It's Not About The Money"

I am going to jump to the punch line and tell you how the title of this blog came to be, and then I will tell you what it means to me.

One day in 2012, I had just come from talking with my sister in law Trin, I don't remember what we talked about. I walked out her front door, down the stairs and down the walkway; turned left on the sidewalk, and then took a half right out the neighbor's driveway onto the 700 North. Just as I got about half way across the street, my brain was opened and the words "It's not about the money"came pouring in.

Now if you have ever received revelation you know that it usually doesn't always come like that. It is  quite and subtle, and can make you wonder if it was just you talking to yourself or Father actually sharing something with you. In this case there was no doubt it was Father! There have only been a few times that he has ever shared anything like that with me in such a direct and matter a fact manner, so he had my full attention. I was very excited because I knew my perspective would never be the same concerning money.

A bit of a background on me. I come from a very poor upbringing. My Dad's focus was always on the fact that we never had enough money, which we didn't. Many of our clothes were handmade and from the local thrift store. Some Christmas mornings were met with very few gifts and/or gifts with someone Else's name on it that had it before us. Six of us lived in a three bedroom single wide trailer with panel thin walls. The front of the trailer was rusting away from the water cooler  on the roof that was leaking. And there was always a car broke down in the front yard. Many meals consisted of fried potatoes and/or scrambled eggs. We were what you would call "Trailer Trash". We fit the mold perfectly.

With that insight, when I finally got out on my own and made money it didn't last for long because I didn't know how to save. That has been a trail that I have dealt with my whole life. As I look back on my life, I understand why it was such a problem, I was never taught. I always had money, just never enough to pay the bills and rent on time, or at all. I am surprised and grateful that despite this flaw, I still found someone that would marry me and trust me. Being without money, or having very little is harder on women than men. Women want that security.

It's not like I an lazy or don't like to work. I am one of the hardest working people I know. I have been hired away from many temp jobs because I am such a good worker. My patriarchal blessing says: "Become the best and well skilled in all that you do. "There is great pleasure in work and the Lord intended that we should be faithful and diligent in pursuing labors in this life." I have pondered over that for years wondering what it means. It seems obvious, but council from Father is never really what we think it is, and it can mean many different things.

What does the title of the blog mean to me? I have to admit that I didn't know what it meant to me when it came to me. I just knew it was going to change my life. As I have thought about my employment history, at times I felt very dysfunctional and inadequate and wondered why I struggled with it. Since that great and wonderful insight, I realized that my "in between jobs" moments were actually learning moments for me to put my trust in Father.

Many times as I read the scriptures, and before I did, I would ask Father to give me direction as to what I should do about finding work and money. Whether it was in the chapter that was next in my reading or if I did my "random scripture pick", the council would be:

Matthew 6:31-34

"Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed.

(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. 

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."    

For many years this was hard council to take and accept because it meant I would have to ask for help from my Church, and ask landlords to be patient, and be late on bills. I just couldn't see how this was part of Father's plan for me. It just didn't make sense. And for many years it wouldn't make sense but I would still follow His direction because that was my best choice. This all changed in the last year when it finally clicked!

This life isn't meant to be comfortable and easy. If we desire to return to live with Father and Jesus, and all of our loved one's, we should expect to be tried and tested. A dear friend calls this the "Abrahamic sacrifice". Abraham wanted a son more than anything, but his wife Sarah was unable to have children until her old age, when she had Jacob. In time Abraham was asked by Christ to sacrifice his son to Father as a sign that he would do all that was asked of him. When it came to the final act Abraham didn't have to make the actual sacrifice. His willingness was enough to satisfy Father. Each of us will have our own sacrifice to make that will require of us to sacrifice that one thing that means the most to us. Christ gave his life for us, we should be willing to give ours back in return. Church President Ezra Taft Benson said "Many are willing to die for their religion, but how many are willing to live for it?" 

For Lynsie and I, giving up our will to the will of Christ was our sacrifice. I have to admit that I didn't realize that is what I wanted more than anything. I wanted to be obedient and do all that was asked of me, I just didn't realize to what depth we would be tested. What made this so hard was not knowing how we would make ends meet. Sometimes we didn't. Our phones were turned off twice, and the last time we were dropped altogether. We were on the verge of having our gas and utilities turned many times. At times all we had was spare change that wasn't enough to buy gas or food. And what was even more humbling and humiliating, was being directed to go to our local church leader and ask for help with rent and bills multiple times. This is where the words "It's not about the money " really sunk in. It was about putting our complete trust in Christ, not in the money. Elder Russell M. Nelson said in the April 2014 General Conference, "Yet so many people look only to their bank balance for peace."

I know those around us had their opinions as to what we should do to remedy our situation. As humans we want to "fix" that which appears to be broken without really seeing that the best thing we could do is ask if help is needed. If not, then give support, don't judge, and love. Some of our hardest trials were knowing and feeling the judgements of those that should have loved us and supported us the most. But knowing of what other's were saying actually made me stronger because I knew that what we were going through was from heaven and making us more faithful.

I was aware that this trial was much harder for Lynsie than for me. I had been going through this trial for many years so it was a bit easier but still a challenge because I didn't know how to trust myself, the way I do now. I can honestly say that I am very grateful for that trial and all the trials I have had because they have made me the person I am today, and I like who I am!

In closing I will share one of my favorite scriptures with you. It is found in the Book of Mormon, Jacob 2:17-19

Think of your brethren like unto yourselves, and be familiar with all and free with your substance, that they may be rich like unto you.

But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God.

 And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted.

To me, this is what life is about. It's not about the money!


    

A Late Bloomer

So, here I am, preparing to become a Father for my first time, at the age of 47! I know most of you that I know are becoming Grandparents and that blows me away to think we are of that age. I still feel way too young to even think of being a Grandparent. I am sure after my daughter (and hopefully other children to come) comes into my life and begin to grow I will me more prepared for that title. But for now I look forward to becoming  and to be called "Daddy". I get excited thinking about that!

As I have looked back on my life I see that I have been a late bloomer in a lot of areas of my life:

-I was baptized when I was 21.
-Went on a mission when I was a month away from my 24th birthday.
-Went back to school, because I dropped out in 10th grade, and received a High School diploma, not a GED, at the age of 26.
-Started college when it was called UVCC, then UVSC and is now UVU. It took my 12 years to get an Associates of Science degree. I was 38.
-Joined the Utah Army National Guard when I was a month away from my 40th birthday. What the heck was I thinking!!! I'm still in much better shape then most of those young computer, video playing, couch potato kids are.
-Get married when I was 41.
-I am headed back to college to be what I have always wanted to be but wasn't ready to be it, a Family and Child Therapist. I will receive my BA when I am 49 and a Masters when I am 51.
-And now at 47 I am going to be a Daddy.

Can I be a late bloomer to anything else?

Despite the lateness of events happening in my life I know they all happened at the exact time that  I needed them to. I still feel like a teenager, mostly because I don't know what an adult man feels like and is suppose to be like. There aren't many men that I want to be like. The only Man I am working on becoming like is Jesus, and that won't happen in this life but I keep working at it.

My moto is : "I am to young to be old". As long as I keep living the way I have that has kept me healthy this long, I will be able to keep up with my kids and enjoy their lives with them as an active parent that will provide opportunities for them that I have been blessed with.

"Behold Your Little Ones"

I've learned to pay attention to my dream because they are telling me something about myself and my life. There are some dreams that really stand out and stay with me so I give them extra attention. For instance, I had a dream about three little little girls that came through what looked like to me a plastic opening, like the kind that is on a shell on a truck that you zip to open and close it. They had come through one at a time. As I pondered that dream I came to the conclusion that they had been coming through the veil that is between Heaven and Earth. It is the same veil that we all came through to come here.

I had known even when I wasn't married that I would have children in this life. This dream came to me after I was married. To me the dream was telling me that my wife and I would have three girls all of which hadn't come to earth yet. I held on to that dream for years waiting for it to come to pass. Even after Lynsie had a hysterectomy I still knew children would come to us, it was just a matter of time.

Another dream: I dreamt of the name Andrea. That is weird dreaming of a name! I liked the name instantly because it started with the letter "A" like mine does. After I prepared breakfast I did what I usually did when I ate, I turned on the TV to my favorite channel, ESPN. As I watched and listened I realized the Sportscaster's name was Andrea. I thought, "This is interesting!". There was a reported out in the field doing some story that Andrea was turning the time over to, her name...........Andrea. Really?! Now if that isn't a sign I don't know what is so I went with it.

So now I know that one of my girls is going to have the name Andrea. Now what will her first name be? Andrea had to be her middle name because I want her initials to spell a word like mine do RAP. Lynsie's initials are LAP. So naturally we needed a first name to keep this going.

Many years ago I met a girl named Lenna in the BYU 10th ward that we both attended. We became good friends and stayed that way even after she died in 2002 from bone cancer. We had one of those friendships that didn't start here on earth, we just continued it and we will continue it into the next life.

One day while at the Provo Temple Lynise asked me all of these questions about Lenna. Lynsie didn't even know her so I didn't understand why she was asking so many questions so I asked why. She said because Lenna is in her head. I said "Listen". Lynise felt that our daughter's name should be Lenna. I couldn't think of a better name! So now we have another LAP.

A month later Lynsie and I are in the Provo Temple again sitting in the Celestial Room. I have the scriptures in hand doing my random scripture opening and pointing to a verse beleving what I read is what Heavenly Father is saying to me. I am about to stop when I hear Him say "One more. Turn to 3 Nephi 17:23". I do and it reads "And he spoke unto the multitude, and said unto them: Behold your little ones". I knew what it meant because I have known for years that "little ones" would be coming. I tucked it away in my mind knowing it would come to pass when the time was right.

Later that evening we received a call from a dear friend whom I have known for over 10 years. She is a  single mother of four beautiful children that I have known for the same amount of time. My friend said she wanted to talk with Lynsie and I on speaker phone. Already knowing what the call was about but not knowing what was going to be said, we listened intently trying to keep an open mind. She informed us that her 19 year old daughter had chosen us to adopt her baby girl. All we could do was smile and express words that felt too small and meaningless to truly convey what we were really feeling.

You have blessed our lives in a way that we never could. For that you are a Savior to us. You made it possible that our family and name will continue for at least another generation. You gave the greatest gift to us that you are able to, yourself and your blood. Our lives wil forever be intertwined, as if they haven't already but now it will be forever.

We love you! But more than that, Heavenly Father loves you for making the greatest sacrifice a parent can make, the giving of a child's life to others. HE knows how that feels. And now so do you.

I Can Do Hard Things!

The title of this post was the theme of a LDS Trek I went on from 30 July to 3 August 2012. What is a Trek you ask? Well let me give you a brief history.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or the Mormon Church was established on 6 April 1830. Even before this time Joseph Smith was being persecuted because a vision he had seen of God the Father and Jesus Christ and because of the gold plates he was given for a short time to translate into The Book of Mormon. The persecution became even greater after the Church was established. The Saints were forced to move from state to state until the violence against them became so bad that the only way they were going to be able to worship Heavenly Father and Jesus was to go West out of the then known United States.

Years before this Joseph Smith had seen a vision where the Saints would be able to worship in peace and as they pleased in the rocky mountains of the west. Many of the Saints had already migrated west to Utah starting in 1847. In 1856 a group of Saints joined with a man named James G Willie who led the fourth handcart company which was one of the two that was stuck in present-day Wyoming in the late autumn and early winter and had many members die from freezing and starvation.

To Latter Day Saints the sacrifices and sufferings and deaths of those Pioneers that lost their lives on these treks holds great meaning. These Saints were willing at all costs to cross the plains to Utah where Zion had been established, where they would be able to worship in peace along side others that believed as they did. 

To commemorate and get an idea what those Pioneers went through my Stake (a Stake is an area that has a certain amount of Wards or congregations) went to Wyoming where many of the Saints died in 1856 and where they were eventually rescued, for a four day trek.

I won't go into details about each day of the trek because I already wrote all of that in my journal and there are 15 pages on it. Maybe I will write about other experiences here and there but not all together in one blog because you probably wouldn't read all of it.

On the second day we started early because we had a 14 mile trek ahead of us pulling handcarts. I know for many the thought of walking 14 miles while pushing and pulling a hand cart was very undanting. I have to admit that I was looking forward to it. Three miles into it I was still doing pretty good and planed on making it to our camp site with no worries. That was until we came to Rocky Ridge. The G.I. (Government Issue) boots I was wearing that I thought I had already broke in, produced blisters galore!! Thank goodness for duct tape. Who would have thunk!!

Before we headed up Rock Ridge we were told of how hard it was for the Pioneers to make it up the ridge because of the amount of snow that had already fallen and because of the fatigue they were all feeling. From hearing that I knew that I wanted to be one pulling the hand cart up. I asked Lynsie to pull along with me so we could both have the experience together. I think everyone was pretty psyched for the challenge because it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. There were four of us pulling and four pushing. At times I felt like all I was doing was keeping a grip on the cart just to say I was there. I was actually hoping it would have been harder. Along the trail I asked those pushing to stop so I could have the experience of actually pushing the hand cart to feel what it is like to put some energy into it.



Two thoughts come to mind: one: I CAN do hard things! You have a lot of time to think on a 14 mile trek. I pondered the theme of the trek and realized that I have been doing hard things my whole life: running away from home; dropping out of high school, getting into drugs and drinking, being baptized and giving up a life that had become normal to me and start living a life I had never conceived; going on a mission; joining the Army; being deployed; getting married. There are times that I have feel like I fail at doing hard things because I complain, or fell that I don't give enough of myself. But in reality I give all that I can and even though I do complain I still do the best I can and for that I am blessed!


The other thought is: There were times on the trek as I was pulling the hand card along side others in my ward and as others were pushing from the back, that all I had to do was hold up and onto the cart. I wonder if that is all that is expected of us at times? That all we have to do is hold onto life and allow the Angels and Jesus to do some of the work. Of course we do eventually need to do our part, but I believe there are times when Father wants to do His part and all we have to do is stay on course and allow Him to help